I miss myself.

Is that something really odd to say? I don't know how else to word it but right now at this point in my life, I feel like all I am doing is trying to be somebody I am not. I try to please, but it's not working, and honestly I am sick of being maligned. When will I have a life that is mine?

The other day, I was pretty early for work, and I decided to have maccas bfast, well, just because. After I was done, I threw out the leftovers in the trash, and placed the tray on top of the bin.  It felt right, and then I realised, it's always been second nature, and I have spent much of my life curbing that side when  actually I much prefer that part of me.

I need to stop trying to be someone I am not. I need to stop changing myself because people don't like me the way I am. It's not bad habits I am trying to change, it's the good, it's what makes me, me. Its so sad to become someone I detest. I have changed, my enthusiasm for things, my amusement at silly things, my love for flowers, the different styles I love to dress. I am tired of hiding my purchases, for fear of judgement. I think I have come to a point in life, where I really just want to be alone, so that I can finally just be myself. The me that I have always liked, the me that I was proud to be, the me that was happy.

I think its time I did something for myself.